Missing My Mom
Its funny the difference a day, or a year or a decade makes. January 5th was one of the happiest days for my entire extended family as I grew up. It was the birthday of my maternal grandfather, Robert Corbin born in 1900. As a child, I could always count on going to their farm south of Maple Hill, Kansas and enjoying one or more wonderful birthday celebrations with all of our extended family. Everyone brought their best dishes of food to share, there were incredible cakes, pies and ice cream, and the festivities ended with a big sing along in the living room, as did all of our family activities. Then, in 1958, Grandfather Corbin left us at the young age of 58, a victim of lung cancer. After that, it seemed to me that all the celebrations were more subdued. Grandmother Corbin sold the farm and moved their house to Maple Hill’s Main Street. There were still celebrations, but not the way they were when grandfather was alive.
Time went on, people grew up and grew old, cousins married, children were born and aunts and uncles passed away, and there were fewer and fewer gatherings of the extended family. It was sad, but it seemed that we really only made a special effort to attend funerals of relatives. Some of the families moved away, not far, but far enough so that you needed to make a special effort to get together at Maple Hill. My mother, Lucille (Corbin) Clark always called me “the traitor” because of all my brothers and 15 first cousins, I was the only one that moved further than 50 miles from Maple Hill. Living in Idaho, Wisconsin, Oregon and Indiana, and with a family, it took some major planning for me to attend family activities.
Somehow, I think I’m safe in saying that I did make it home at least once or twice each year to participate in family and community activities. Maple Hill, Kansas will always hold a special place in my heart because its my hometown, and while I have gathered many friends along the way and through the years, the friends I spent the first 30 years of my life with are still the people I remember when I speak of friends. They were the boys and girls I attended school and church with, and with whom I played and began life’s experiments learning a value set. Thank goodness all ten of my high school classmates are still living and communicating on occasion but many family members and friends have passed away after 50 years.
Life goes on an with it each of us learns new things, we learn to adapt and to accept the cycle of life. We marry, have children and grandchildren, divorce, take on careers, become parts of communities, and go through a variety of experiences that add to the cumulative person that we all become. Still, the one thing that matters most to each of us is our family.
My mother often said, “Don’t ever forget, blood is thicker than water.” Mother meant that and lived by it. She was the oldest of her five siblings and she looked after each of her brothers and sisters and their families, and they returned her love and attention. Love. Love is truly a many splendor thing. At the end of the day, love is really all that matters, and we show our families our love not because we expect to see it returned, but because we expect to see it paid forward. We hope that our children will see the way that we show love to ourselves and to each other, and will immolate that kind of love to themselves and to their families and those they spent their lives with. Mother would always say, “Children are little parrot’s, don’t do or say anything you don’t want repeated.”
Five years ago today, on her father’s birthday, my mother, Lucille (Corbin) Clark, left this earthly life to take up eternity in Heaven. She didn’t fear death and as it approached, she kept wanting all of us to know that she was ready and looked forward to the happy reunion with God and her family. I was there at the moment of her death and nothing could have been more peaceful. Mother was right.
Oh to be sure, it left each of us who loved her with a loss that has only begun to fade. But this I know for certain. Her life was a life of service to God, to her family and to her friends and neighbors. Her life was one of selflessness. She always did without to make certain that others did not. She would always tell us, “Money doesn’t amount to a damn! Love is all that matters.” In her later years, the phrase “I love you,” became like a salutation for every meeting with her. She just couldn’t walk away from someone without saying “You know I love you,” and she meant every word. It was her last words to me.
I remember her life and her death today. I don’t wish for her back because I know she is in paradise—which her life of hard work and duty certainly was not. In those last ten days, I watched Mother accept her own death, gathering those she loved around her to tell them she loved them one more time. Her letter of life was complete and I’m glad I was able to participate in that final saluation. Mother left us a legacy which I will try and remember—“Keep the family together.” “Love each other.” “It’s better to give than receive.”
Rest In Peace Mother. Your duty to those around you is done and done well. We will remember and honor your legacy of love. XOXOX
Photo One – The Robert Corbin family: L-R Joan Andrews-Frazier, Robert Corbin, Mildred (McCauley) Corbin, Lucille Clark, Vivian Wild and Sarah Justice.
Photo Two: The Maple Hill High School Class of 1939, only two survive, Jessie Oliver and Dorothy Thompson. All of these classmates were very close throughout their lives.
Photo Three: Tim and Lucille Clark, wedding day, January 24, 1942 Maple Hill, Kansas
Photo Four: The Tim Clark Family, taken 1956 in the Robert Corbin Farm Home: L-Stan, Lucille, Gary, Steve, Tim and Nick Clark.
Photo Five: Lucille was never happier than when she had a grand baby or a baby in her lap. Lucille and Liam Timothy Clark, son of Nicholas and Natalie Clark.
Photo Six: Lucille (Corbin) Clark – 4-22, 1921 to 1-5, 1211
